OOF...

since

2009-04-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

my mothers eyes...they speak sadness...when you look right into them...you can see how old her soul is...

i have my mothers sad blue eyes.

something happened

2009-04-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

i have been spending time thinking about whats going on with the social networking phenomenon that seems to have become the newest staple of popular culture. there is something to be said about being heard...and i dont mind accepting this, but there is also something to be said about letting go.

last night one of my closest friends from middle school asked me to be her facebook "friend" ... granted when we were 13 we had the entire world in common...but now...looking at her pictures she has married...had children...all of the above. would she and i be friends today? absolutley not...and not because i despise children...but because people in life grow apart. the marriage and kid path is not the path i am on...and sometimes i feel like married couples have a hard time accepting that i feel pretty good about being alone. i dont mind that i have left friends that i found earlier in life behind...there are people that you meet...that stay with you for however long you choose...and you learn lessons...in the findings of them and in the seperations from them...some you find examples of what not to be and hopefully from many... examples of what you should hope to become...

in college my girlfriends and i partied pretty seriously...but when i think back...we also studied...we read books. i had a novel class where i had to read 12 novels in one semester. 12. and i read them...and most of them i loved.

point being im not reading any books right now...other than facebook.

i work in print media

2009-04-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

so obviously...im worried about losing my job.

my boss

2009-03-24T10:58:00.001-07:00

officially thinks shes tracy jordan.

kill yourself

2009-03-20T07:12:00.001-07:00

remember when i was so excited about spring...well im not anymore...because today is the first day of spring and its snowing. snow. seriously. kill yourself. i need to be warm. i need sun and sweat and margaritas.

sleepy

2009-03-11T19:01:00.000-07:00

plane ride.
san francisco.
magazines and moon shoes.
plane ride.
new york.

random

2009-03-05T12:28:00.000-08:00

every night when i walk home - there is a guy in a huge yellow - big bird - basketball player costume, handing out flyers on the street corner. i mean...he obviously gets paid for this...i picture him being a laid off banker or something really professional...who just needs some cash...

so yesterday there was a protest in front of the hoboken town hall...all these people were gathered together with signs and mega phones (is that a word) screaming about how mad they are that someone inside the building isnt doing their job.

and standing right in the middle of the crowd...obviously bored with his corner...was the yellow-basketball playing-big bird.

5 things

2009-03-01T17:15:00.000-08:00

1-yesterday i bought chocolate made straight from the bean by amish looking lumberjack hipster brothers in brooklyn...drank beer at the coolest brewery i have ever been to...and saw david bryne...who was seriously...in the simplest of terms...on another level.

2. i love new york.

3. is it going to snow 9 inches?

4. dark was the night...is great. buy it.

5. this week...my mother and father...both engineers - lost their jobs. and i saw 13 people in my office get laid off...clean out their desks...call their families...and go home.

hide me.

2009-02-23T19:45:00.000-08:00

a boy - about my age - was crying on the train home tonight...

i wanted to touch him...

sometimes you just have to hate this city.

nyc smells

2009-02-18T20:55:00.000-08:00

that is all.

why...

2009-02-09T11:21:00.000-08:00

did the world not stop when the jonas brothers were singing with stevie wonder on the grammys last night? i thought for SURE - while i was eating my chocolate fondue and drinking wine...by myself...that the world was ending...and that would be all....and i wouldn't get to say goodbye to my mom...or tell my gym boyfriend (who does not know he is my gym boyfriend) that i love him...

i mean..WHY were they yelling "STEVIE" the whole time?

right now...please picture me...mouth full of apples covered in chocolate yelling "STOP SAYING STEVIE" at the TV.

And i do NOT believe that they know how to play instruments. period.

radiohead with the usc marching band was great...

and i am not too proud to say...i love when justin timberlake dances.

black keys

2009-02-06T11:05:00.001-08:00

tonight i am seeing them at terminal 5.

stay tuned.

soul food

2009-01-12T19:43:00.001-08:00

im not sure how people do not listen to sam cooke and marvin gaye.

when i hear trouble man i can feel movement...

i swear to someones god...if you close your eyes and listen to that song...your perfectly still body will move...

i would not eat you

2009-01-12T19:28:00.000-08:00

i dont eat anything with a face. i dont eat anything with a central nervous system. i dont eat anything that feels pain when it dies.

just because we talk...i dont see a difference in the idea really. death is death...my moms dog is a total asshole...but has a personality and feelings...if he died i would not eat him...maybe cows or fish or pigs are not as smart as you or my moms dog...but i dont care...they still feel pain...they still know they are going to die right before it happens...and that energy has to go somewhere..

and i would prefer it not go in my mouth.

mac and cheese

2009-01-12T09:00:00.000-08:00

since yesterdays visit to s'mac and a few office conversations this morning...i realize that it just may be my mission in life to find the best maccoroni and cheese in new york city.

next stop...union square....chat n' chew.

2009-01-11T20:32:00.001-08:00

s'mac

2009-01-11T19:41:00.001-08:00

is a little place in the east village that makes macaroni and cheese and serves it up in a hot skillet.

thats heaven to me mr. cooke. thats heaven to me.

oof

2009-01-09T18:30:00.000-08:00

the sidewalk in front of macys during the holiday season can make a day-to-day 6th avenue walker want to kill themselves.

but at least the windows are pretty.

the new windows are covered with pictures of p. diddy that say "i am king"

the world

2009-01-07T14:30:00.001-08:00

lately-almost everyday-the new york times has a picture of someone dying on the front. yesterday it was a man whos back was covered in blood and today its a young woman lying in a street.

it breaks my lucky heart.

fight! fight!

2009-01-06T13:08:00.001-08:00

when i walked up from the train station this morning...i was so sad to see the christmas decorations being taken down...

then i looked over and two grown men were punching each other in the middle of street...

and we are back.

open this

2009-01-05T20:32:00.001-08:00

im not an opening act lover...if i buy black keys tickets i want to see the black keys...and i am sure the other bands are very talented...but for me...a show is something special. its a moment...whether you are in the front row...in back row...or behind that asshole screaming "melt my face"... going to a show is about connecting with a band you love...in person...its magical and somehow intimate-even in a large crowd. for me...its hard to shift from the thoughts of...oh this band is okay-but i wish they would hurry up-what time is it-im hungry...to excitement.

i also feel like it clouds your senses. i dont want to hear another band because i want my brain to be free of noise. once - at a dr. dog show once they played the same song over and over...and i have heard mmj has done this too...or maybe it was dr. dog opening for mmj (which-i will admit-would be a show i would not be upset about having an opening act) but when they do that...it is so annoying...but i get it. you can feel it...its nutty...and silly...but i totally get it. somehow it cleanses you of anything else you have heard all day...and its just over and over and over...and then there they are...singing me songs...and melting my face.

booties

2009-01-05T20:03:00.001-08:00

i dont know much about music except what i like and dont. i have no radio...i have never heard a jonas brothers song and if they were sitting next to me on the F train i would have no idea. i dont have cable and i dont want it...i would rather spend my money on things that matter...like marc jacob booties. actually...it is quite possible that i hit a jonas brother with my purse or checked one of those munchkins in front of macys during the holiday season. but...what i do know is this...that seeing people like pink and the jonas brothers nominated for a grammy...i think the grammys are pretty effing stupid. and as previously stated have never heard a jonas brother song...or the pink song for that matter-and i guess this means i dont really know if they suck...but actually-i do...i know this the same way i know that the bret michaels show on vh1 sucks even though i have never watched an episode...deal with it.

pumpkins

2009-01-05T17:20:00.000-08:00

i have four brothers.

i watched them put a dead raccoon in a girl from schools mailbox. once-they held a knife to my throat and wrote "dork" on my forehead. they used to lock me out when we got home from school and eat sandwiches and dance in front of the windows while i sat outside. i watched my oldest brother make my youngest brother drink urine. the cleaning lady found one of them hiding under a pile of clothes when he was supposed to be at school.

the first time i ever smoked pot i was thirteen. a girl with blue hair fall into the creek where my brothers used to camp. the next morning i woke to three of their friends bleeding faces...they had been in an accident and walked all night. i had to go back to the house to get bandages and my mom asked me if i wanted to go to church.

my morning jacket

2009-01-04T10:33:00.000-08:00

im not the girl that wants to hang with the band. i dont want to meet them or know them or for that matter-have them know me. i like the idea of keeping that separate...like in the old days. when rock stars were rock stars. when you saw them live - or thier picture in a magazine and that was all. but now our access to information is limitless...so...we know things...we know where these boys are from and where there live...they have wives who write blogs and we see 2,394,830,284 pictures of them plastered all over the internet (including this one) so even if you want to avoid them...you cant.

i will say the one good thing in reading about them is finding out what they listen to. i live in new york city...i have an ipod-a computer-and an ipod dock. i get my new music information from the itunes genius sidebar and magazine articles. its helpful to hear the peoples whose music you like-likes...because chances are you might have some in common...once a jim james interview led me to john callahan...who i find to be dry and funny and flat out lovable.

my morning jacket seems to have taken a slight detour from thier earliest influences (neil young and other fellow rockers)...i think this growth is a beautiful thing...we are an ever-evolving-constantly-changing society and we should embrace when people that make music we love begin to be influenced by the music they love...or have just begun to love. i am excited that mmj is starting to feel-or should i say-express the energy of soul music...covering songs like-move on up and bring it on home to me will only make me grow as a fan...as i do...so much...love soul music...i mean...if i were notes on a page...i would want to be the notes of sam cooke.

we keep reading about globalization and the world becoming flat...i feel like jim james is just helping to grow this idea...i mean are we really all that different...when you break things down...arent we all just trying to find our way?

28 blisters

2009-01-04T10:04:00.000-08:00

my feet are a disaster area. if i meet a boy i wonder how long until he notices my feet...and living in new york is a bit easier than when i was in miami...because of the obvious cold weather-cover up your toes-thing...

i am sometimes embarrassed...but i scrub and pumus (a word i can not spell) and do what i can...but my toenails fall off...my socks are usually covered in blood...and i have could have 28 blisters at any given time...

but this is what i do.

i run the marathon.

thespians

2009-01-03T13:44:00.001-08:00

in the east village today...there were groups of young people walking around in costumes...two were caveman and wife and they kept grunting at each other.

it was a lovely afternoon.

lost in this city

2009-01-02T11:28:00.000-08:00

i dont believe in the christian god. i mean c'mon. but the older i get the more i hope to believe in something...and i am searching....i feel the need to be more self aware...more in the moment of what is happening around me...more here...not there. its almost as if-even though i am where i am-i am always thinking about something somewhere else. lately i find myself listening to people sing about christ...and sometimes i even go to saint patricks...to feel the energy.

i have cried there before...just sat alone and cried.

oh nine

2009-01-01T12:41:00.000-08:00

new years eve

stand in below freezing temperatures to be front row at msg
body still shaking after being inside for thirty minutes
front row overrated-music sounds like screaming
almost slap man behind me yelling things like "melt my face"
sam cooke cover ")
train under water
$700 boots-step in puke
home sweet hoboken new jersey

oh nine.